Titleless 15

Another boring week...
Time really pass slow for this semester.
Seems like a week is 10 days instead of 7 days.
Why is there nothing that can make my life go faster for now...
I seems to have lost my directions, or I should say lost my AIMS.

I'm currently aiming at a target that I will never strike bull'seye.
But why I'm still aiming when I know that is impossible ??
Is better for me to have an AIM than nothing...
Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time on things that will not make out.
But sometimes I feel that what I'm doing is not a waste of energy and time.
So again make me to choose which is the best to do.

Really tired of doing it but I know myself that I cant quit.
If I quit, all my secretly hardwork will all gone in a blink of an eye.
I'm not a person of paying for nothing...seriously...

What I'm talking about here is all about my current status.
Walking in a thick fog with no guidance.
I always hope that guidance will guide me walking out this thick fog,
but who will be my guide ?
Even thou someone guide me out, am I going to reach my destination smoothly ?

Everyday before I close my eyes, I will always think about it.
Should I or should I not ...
If I do this, will it be this...
If I not do this, will it be that...
Everyday thinking the same thing, but it is always the questions that pop out, not the answers.

So many years of friendship, almost 4 years...
It is still the same, even thou I left it aside for a year, but what I recover back is still the same.
What will she think about me ?
How will she think about me ?
or Do she think about me ?

I dont even know if she knows all my actions means...

That day in the shop, where she came across this question "Is he your BF".
That time I was in the changing room and she was outside the room.
At the instance when I heard that question, I stop everything that I'm doing and I listen to what her reaction is...
As i thought, the answer is normal friends.
As i thought always~~~~
but I was thinking, is she referring to me, or to Yew, coz yew is also beside her that time....
if she was referring to Yew, then i will feel a bit relief.
but if she was referring to me, then for sure I'm a little bit down...
I was truely beaten in the heart when she answered that...

For this long of friendship, why cant she feel something from me...
Everytime i do things secretly at her back to support her, but these things are always hidden, never bring forword to the light...

yesterday, she ask for help on the homework...
She sent me her assignment question but I forgot that I formatted my PC and I haven install my microsoft office back.
What to do ???
I open up my laptop, try to copy the whole microsoft file into my PC...
but it turned out fail, coz of the registry thing.
So i just copy wateva she sent to me to my laptop.
I was standing and sitting for almost an hour, just to help her out.
I will never give up of doing things for a girl...
althought it is stupid to do so but I still insist...
becoz I know someday,
SOMEDAY, maybe soon or maybe in a few years time, she will know my intention.
but things never always turn out like that...
I will still keep on what I do to her now even thou in return I get nothing...
but still I will feel down about it...

people says " If u love someone, you should let that someone to look for her happiness"... sounds true... but how about myself ??
I love her and I should sacrifies my happiness just to make her happy ??
Izit like that ???
Well, is kinda awful in my view.

I'm not a bad person with bad look or bad taste or bad attitude.
but We know people can change to archieve their goal.
So do I...
Im not that bad actually, Im probably 8marks in scale 10.
Am I not worth being together ???


For now on, I duno if she know that I like her and I'm trying to get to her.
Maybe yes, Maybe no...
But wateva the answer is...
I hope that you can give me a chance to prove to you.
This is the only thing that I want for...